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Why we can’t be satisfied with „average“ love

Communities
October 13, 2020 15:01
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Let me confess: I was and still am a Twilight fan. I read the books the first time when I was 10 years old and I fell in love. Who didn’t? It was the peak of the vampire fandom! Suddenly there were vampire books everywhere: Twilight, vampire diaries, vampire academy and so on. Last week I read the new book by Stephanie Meyer “Midnight Sun” and it was everything my Twilight-admiring-heart ever wanted. A whole lot of (Team-Edward) love. So, I started wondering: did books like Twilight trick me into believing that there was an ideal type of boyfriend? Probably. 

Who didn’t want an Edward? (I don’t believe in Team Jacob ok!). He was kind, smart, funny and absolutely gorgeous! I know he is technically dead, but let’s put that aside. He is the perfect version of a guy on the outside. I loved him and put all the traces of toxic behavior aside – I mean he stalks her, gets overprotective and puts her into danger by just being near her. I idolized these relationships as a young teenager. I wanted my Edward (Twilight), my Jace (Mortal Instruments) and also my Damon (Vampire Diaries). I wanted immortal love with a whole lot of action, drama and attention for me. Don’t get me wrong, I still love these books, but I think they are part of the problem why we can’t be satisfied with just “normal, average love” anymore. Lying in front of the TV cuddling, sharing Pizza and not going out every night dancing our feet off. I struggled in my relationship to learn that big gestures aren’t necessary – I don’t have to marry before I have sex (Twilight) or realize that the love of my life is my brother (Mortal Instruments – spoiler Alert!). And then realize that he isn’t (I was SO relieved!). 

We just wish for something big and glamorous so that we get admired for it. The protagonists in “Normal People” (also love this book) struggle with just simply saying “I love you” and believing each other over 250 pages. We feel unlovable without big gestures that nudge us into believing our worth. We want to be special and immortal and we need a (wo)man to approve of us. 

I thought that, at least. Better together as a mantra. But at some point, I realized that (metaphorically-spoken) vampires aren’t real. Even if I was dating a boy, there was hardly any chance that he would somehow show up to rescue me in a dark alley if I was out of town. Hopefully he will not show up, otherwise he would be stalking me! We grew up hating normalcy and at the age of 18 I don’t understand why. There is nothing better than getting home from work and already smelling the perfume of your beloved-one when entering the door. Changing into sweats and lying on the couch. Waiting until your ramen is done in the microwave. 

“Adam, try the apple!” - Love Eve. 

I think the idolization of toxic relationships and bad boys changed nowadays. 

I watched “Euphoria” (only two weeks ago, I KNOW I’M LATE TO THE HYPE) and we all know the toxic couple Maddy and Nate. He loves her, she loves him – she cheats on him, he beats her up. Still, they can’t live without each other and also not with each other without destroying themselves. In Euphoria they are clearly shown as a toxic and bad couple. Still, there is so much danger, sex and rough power and violence involved that you can barely watch but neither turn off the TV. They are living their lives. Who cares, if they risk their mental or physical health. We are only young once. Right? This is the vibe Gen Z is giving off. Once again desperately trying to live. We despise normalcy, because we think normal is boring. 

In our try to stand out we are all blending into one mass of absolute uniformity. We don’t believe into real love anymore and soulmates, I think. Women know that men don’t have to come and rescue them anymore so the whole issue of love and relationships twisted and turned and became a battle over power, not only in bed. But also, in day-to-day-lives: who chooses the restaurant? Will he tell her that her dress is too sexy for his taste? Will she tell him that she wants him to get down? And vice versa. We know that we should know our self-worth. Damaged goods are not in vogue anymore. Therefore, many of us put up a wall of false truths and become a different person in public. A public figure. We struggle to let our walls down and also show the other person our weak side, because for that it would need true intimacy and we were taught that this part of ourselves sends boys running for example, because women would be “way too sensitive”. 

And how could we convince ourselves after opening-up to our special person that they would still see us as the boss-bitches we are?  

Trust not only in ourselves and our abilities, but also in the people we give our hearts and bodies to! We don’t always have to do everything alone! Sometimes better together, is true! 

Edward also turned Bella into a vampire at some point (after over 3000 pages of waiting)!

Their eternity also became their normalcy! 

Why shouldn’t we try? 

“Just bite into the Apple, swallow and get over it!”- Love, Anna

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