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The Quarantine Diaries

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April 5, 2020 12:18
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Day 6

It's all fun and games until someone cries.

So did I yesterday – for the first time during this crisis. It was something between frustration and anger.

Frustration about not being able to change something about the current situation except for staying home and having 327 meals a day. And serious anger for all those people who are still being outside, drinking their fucking coffees in the park and having their Phở for lunch (which are pretty delicious indeed, but that's not the point).

My roommate was in contact with infected people and has to stay in quarantine now – in our shared flat. I took the opportunity and chose to move in with my friend and personal quarantine love (she also owns a baby dog with fluffy hair and the cutest lashes you've ever seen).

To be honest, this is already Day 6 of our self-chosen quarantine. And we're still not addicted to any kind of substance except for maybe sugar

(say hi to Diabetes Type 2).

My roommate freaks out about the kids playing in the yard every now and then, the dog might be annoyed by all this cuddling and brushing and shit, and I'm just living from meal to meal. And from diary entry to diary entry which I decided to start from now on.

Movies I really don't recommend to watch:
  • Horsegirl (oof, who wrote the dialogues!?)
  • Wounds (yeah, Armie Hammer IS insanely hot but what the actual fuck did I just watch!?)
What to watch instead:
  • Lil Peep – Everybody's Everything (I did cry indeed)
  • Taylor Tomlinson: Quarterlife-Crisis (oh, there's so much trouble waiting for you in life, when this is over)
  • Someone great (the actual soundtrack includes my indie heroes Vampire Weekend? Say no more!)
  • For more tips check out Title's recommendation for the best uplifting tv shows against corona
What I'm excited about:
  • the food delivery guy texting me back
  • watching the new Netflix show "Unorthodox" (inspired by Deborah Feldman’s New York Times Bestselling book)
  • my next meal (my roommate is a chef)
  • finally having time to read the 32 books my mom gave to me (she works in a bookshop and is the best, love you mom, I appreciate it)
  • the next FaceTime Yoga-sesh with by bestie – do yourself a favour and check out Yoga with Adriene, she's the freaking best, Namaste

Guys, I'm off now, walking my new Gucci Lipstick up and down the corridor of this comfy quarantine cave.

Stay safe, flatten the curve and don’t touch your fucking faces <3

Day 7

I know, it’s a really privileged way of handling this whole virus thing: sitting at home with your bestie, having FaceTime Yoga sessions, overeating, binge watching Alexa Chungs YouTube, and watching stuff on Netflix (watch “Feel Good” by the way, the gay couple's toxic relationship made me so aggressive, it might even force you to face your own relationship-bullshit).

I realized I had been very narrow minded and hadn’t thought about the fact that isolation increases child abuse and domestic violence. So while some defiant teenagers are still having “corona parties” in german parks and hundreds of Prenzlauer Berg parents letting their children spread all kinds of germs, there are people who actually might not have a home OR who’d rather not be there. Because it’s not safe.

It’s not a “war against the virus” as french president Macron says, this is a mockery of all those who have bombs falling on their heads every day, but it’s urgent and we need to act now. So please, be aware of your privilege. Stay inside if you can.

Update: our quarantine crew just got a new member. If you thought you might be in a slightly uncomfortable situation – my friend just got kicked out of her flat by her boyfriend (8 ½ years relationship). He just wasn’t that into her anymore.

So it’s the three of us now, plus 2 dogs.

Who runs the world? Girls.


Day 11

I couldn't get myself up to journal the last couple days. Things got a little much in my head, my heart felt anxious and I felt weird.

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago after an intense, loving but also extremely complicated and sometimes painful relationship. I feel like I’m working my way through it but being stuck at home with definitely way too much time in my own head – oof. It will go away, I know that. But right now:

I also underestimated the importance of regular psycho-hygiene, the importance of building a strong routine (which also includes a regular shower). Like in any of my crises, music helps me a lot and so does my most favourite psychologist on instagram. I also have the privilege of calling or video-chatting my therapist who I stay in contact with once a week. This is super important for my routine. She’s the freaking best.

I’m super happy about our little puppy who we take to the forest every day. I think getting out helps. Yelling at trees helps too.

It’s like having two sides: one feels weak and likes crying a little bit while reading a book or watching any coming-of-movie, she's definitely self-pitying at times. The other one focuses on healing, the future and self-realization (whatever that means, even at 26 I still wonder what I will be when I grow up).

The number of sick people is constantly increasing, many people are dying, even more are afraid. But there’s also hope and I try to keep that in mind. Hope that a solution will soon be found and that the shit will finally stop.

Don't even get me started on what it's like to be single right now (tip: the new show “Dare Me” on Netflix is really weird but also hot).

Day 12

The dog hates us by now.

We don't know that for sure though. He's not talking yet even though if we work very hard to teach him.

The boredom may reach its peak tonight. It started with homemade banana bread, went on to red lentil soup (very tasty) and ended in blond hair (not mine... yet). I'll keep you posted.

Day 13

I can't help but expand an imaginary list in my head every day with things I miss and things I don't miss. Honestly I have to add that these are probably not only things but also people in my life. I feel like Marie Kondo swept through my social life.

These lists have no claim to completeness, because for some things i would have to be more honest with myself. But I have found out that I don’t need a lot more things than I thought. Of course, this also applies to certain things in society as a whole, especially when it comes to things like consumption or your actions in daily life. Less cars and more bikes on the streets, the air is better, the sky seems to be bluer - streets are basically empty. Yes, tourism is important for the city, but do hundreds of cheap planes have to take off and land every day because of it? The streets, clubs and shops being clogged with tourists?

I haven't felt this relaxed for years. Which is very cynical in view of the current situation and tells me that I have to change some things post-corona. We all have to.

Top 3 of things I miss and don’t miss

Things I miss:

  • Sex (can’t live on that endless sexting and dickpic game forever)
  • Restaurants (you want a date after the crisis? Meet me at any local Ramen spot)
  • Theatre (not Lars Eidinger though)

Things I don’t miss:

  • Social Pressure (I really miss the opportunity of cancelling dates with my friends)
  • FOMO (no one cares if you saw the dj, like seriously)
  • Bars (or at least pretending that i like to stand way too crowded in a room where the sweat is dripping from the ceiling and nobody gets along because of the way too loud and way too bad music)

Day 14

There are times I'd like to throw my iPhone out the window. No, dear Instagram, I don't want to play with the fucking algorithm. And no, Covid is not nature's way of taking revenge.

The number of self-prescribed conspiracy theorists in my feed is growing every day. All the more reason to keep track of actual news. To reach out to people who know what they're talking about.

In addition, my university has now finally decided on a digital semester. In contrast to many extroverted people this is quite convenient for me. In the last few weeks I have really noticed how much the absence of fomo and social pressure reassures me.

So now that I've binged not only Alexa Chungs but also several other youtube channels (how great are the oddly satisfying and political videos of ContraPoints!?), I've also started reading the books next to my bed. Here are some recommendations:

Top reads this week (ok, the last few weeks):
  • this awesome interview with trend forecaster Li Edelkoort
  • Florida by Lauren Groff
  • It Chooses You by Miranda July
  • Catch and Kill: Lies, Spies, and a Conspiracy to Protect Predators by Ronan Farrow
  • The Argonauts by Maggie Nelson
  • Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado

What I really miss now are my weekly yoga classes. I miss the smell, something between organic food and incense, and the meditative routine.

To deal with that I'm going to watch Alexa Chung's (yep, I’d marry her) beautiful ballet workout for probably the 5th time. In bed. With a bowl of vegan bolognese and some lavender on my pillow.

I highly recommend it - it's insanely calming

So... What can I say about the last two weeks of isolation?

I am calmer than I ever was in my memory - whether it's yoga, walking the dog or just cooking and reading (when was the last time I read 2 books in one week, when was the last time I cooked a proper meal!?)

It's a bit like back in the school holidays, when everyone has free time, this kind of collective "break" calms me down. I've realized I need much less personal contact than I thought, less events and junk. Less spending money to fill the dark spots in my soul.

In case I do walk up and down the street, stressed out like Carol Baskins, phone calls with my mum, food and music still help. In the last few weeks, creating and listening to playlists has also proven to be very soothing. Both playlists are charming in their own way. Give them a listen:

#calmdown & #underneathyourcough

Besides creating semi ironic playlists, I also have a top 5 on heavy rotation:

Holding On by Tirzah

Round and Round by Ariel Pink

Beamer Boy by Lil Peep

Gospel for a New Century by Yves Tumor

Dewbow by Kuunatic

and, ok it’s 6 now idc:

Kisloty People by Schacke

Of course this physical isolation is not a weird but good place for self-reflection and peace of mind for everyone - people are not only dying from the virus, but also on Europe's external borders, suffering from structural and domestic violence. The crisis within the crisis becomes more and more visible day to day.

Not everything is shiny and cool, I am also in a very unfavourable financial position and without my friends I would be stuck big time. Sounds corny, but in times like these it becomes en vogue again: sharing is caring.

And that's exactly why I want to use this time to get myself straight, to ground myself and to prepare for the time after. A time in which change seems possible again: for me personally, for society and if we are consistent, also for our planet.


Stay safe and wash your goddamn hands <3

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